Robyn Brown grew up in a household where the concept of respecting and loving others was put into regular practise. Robyn’s mum and dad (a part time pastor) are giving and compassionate people who often took in ‘strays’ who just needed somewhere to stay for awhile to get back on their feet. They were a strong and warm presence in Robyn’s childhood who taught her that every life has value - that every person needs someone who cares. It was a strong foundation. Robyn also held a deep belief that something greater was guiding her life. Little did she know how this upbringing would come to bear in her journey as a parent.

Another experience that was to influence her parenting happened when she was young and travelling on a tram in Melbourne. Robyn saw an advertisement for children needing adoptive parents. She remembers thinking how sad it was that there were children out there who didn’t have a lovely family like hers. She made a decision then that when she grew up she would help children like that.

Robyn met and married Jon and moved to Broken hill. Her first son Joel was born there. Although Joel was a happy and peaceful baby, very early they began to realise something was not right. At five months Joel required glasses. Each milestone was delayed and as each milestone passed without success, Robyn’s fears grew. At nine months Joel was diagnosed with cerebral palsy (and later diagnosed with an intellectual disability and epilepsy). Robyn admits it took a long time for her to come to terms with this. While reading a book called “I’ll Love You Forever” she came across the concept that when a child passes away you are able to grieve, accept and eventually move on with your life. When you have a child with a disability the grieving is an ongoing thing. She explains that this is because the dream is shattered and can never be restored. It meant she had to dream a new dream for Joel. When she did finally come to a point of acceptance she was able to be thankful for the joy that was Joel and his unique and wonderful way.

And at three, when Joel had just learnt to walk, Robyn gave birth to her second son Nathan. He was born in Darwin. Having a new baby and a child that also needed constant care and a number of operations was never going to be easy. It was a trying time. Nathan however grew and passed every milestone with flying colours. He was very intelligent and could read well before he started school. Like any child he had his idiosyncrasies and personality traits but it wasn’t until he hit high school that a number of them became more pronounced. Five years ago he was diagnosed with mild Asperger’s syndrome. Robyn had come into contact with children with Asperger’s through Joel’s schooling and in hindsight could see that Nathan had been exhibiting typical behaviours most of his life. Currently Nathan is receiving professional help to learn tools and skills to manage his Asperger’s.

Now having two children with a disability would be enough for most people, but Robyn still hadn’t forgotten that advertisement in the tram or the promise she made to herself. Although she and Jon had already done part time and respite foster care while living in Sydney, she and her husband went through retraining to begin foster care here in Queensland. Five years ago two siblings were placed in her care.

She soon discovered that long term foster care is a very different situation. As a foster carer you are constantly living with uncertainty. Your rights are minimal and the responsibility is huge. Because children in foster care are often ‘damaged’ to some degree, developing attachment to the carers can often take quite a while. It took eighteen months before Robyn felt that there was a tangible connection and attachment from her charges. This ‘damage’ can also create behavioural, social and learning problems. Robyn’s foster children have been diagnosed with ADHD and ADD with the addition of motor and sensory problems and learning difficulties.

Robyn is very honest and open about how difficult it has been on everyone in her family. At times she wonders why she put herself, her husband and her sons in this situation. Having four children in the home with special needs is a full time job. Robyn’s days are filled with appointments – school, specialists, physios, case workers- not to mention the on going foster care training that is required. This, on top of the normal running of a household and ‘taxi duty’ for four busy children. Managing all of this and finding a balance has come through research, trial and error and a lot of hard work. Robyn has set in place processes to help home life run as smoothly and harmoniously as possible. The routine at home has to be regimented and organised. This, she says is something she has had to learn as she is not naturally an organised person. Robyn showed me the many visual cues that they use to help everyone; but the girls in particular, manage their routine and behaviour. Robyn says she feels like she is the ogre most of the time and does find the constant demands emotionally draining. But this tough love is teaching the girls life skills and coping strategies that will support them through their lives.

Robyn has a softness and beauty about her that belie her inner strength, determination and focus. She is constantly evaluating her ‘performance’ as a parent. She would be the first to deny this - but Robyn is an awesome mother and doing amazing things with all the children in her care. I have had a lot to do with Joel and he is a talented, gracious young man. Teachers at school and those who have known the girls from an early age are amazed at the difference in them. And Robyn will also grudgingly admit that the change has been significant. The reward for her is seeing the progression. It is hard and demanding work, but through dedication and love Robyn is helping all of these young people to reach their potential.

Having ‘me time’ is what keeps her balanced. This includes time spent just with her husband and the boys while the girls are on respite; scrapbooking classes and singing. Robyn sings every Sunday afternoon at the Tides restaurant in Caloundra as part of a trio called Jazzitude. She also sings jazz, latin, soul and blues in a duo called Sophisticat. Currently Sophisticat are putting together a demo CD (you can check this out on myspace.com/sophisticatjazz). She says even though being committed to both groups requires some juggling, it is important to her well being and sanity. It also means that she can step out of ‘mum’ role for awhile.

I don’t think I could take on what Robyn has chosen to do. I respect her enormously for making such a difference. When I said this to Robyn she replied, ‘I want to give back because I had a blessed life. I want to help break the cycle. I want all my children to know that they are loved. I have realised that these challenges, these difficulties have made me grow. I would not have known my potential. I would not have fulfilled part of my purpose if I had given up.” It looks as though Robyn’s family legacy is well and truly alive.